Part of young George Washington's education was copying by hand "Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation." In the process he learned not only penmanship, but a code of manners and character shaping truths.
Some of the 110 rules pertain to etiquette: "In the Presence of Others Sing not to yourself with a humming Noise, nor Drum with your Fingers or Feet." And, "Shake not the head, Feet, or Legs roll not the Eyes lift not one eyebrow higher than the other wry not the mouth, and bedew no mans face with your Spittle, by approaching too near him when you Speak."
Fortunately, I've never been in situation that required me to heed this quaint admonition: "Kill no Vermin as Fleas, lice ticks & in the Sight of Others, if you See any filth or thick Spittle put your foot Dexterously upon it if it be upon the Cloths of your Companions, Put it off privately, and if it be upon your own Cloths return Thanks to him who puts it off."
Manners are important because they are the lubricant that reduces friction between people, especially among those who hold conflicting political and religious views. By reducing needless offenses, manners enable us to live together peacefully, and even enjoy each other's conversation. Therefore, we are enjoined: "Be not angry at the table whatever happens & if you have reason to be so, show it not; put on a cheerful countenance especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one dish of meat a feast." For the good of our company and the tranquility of our table, we can choose to act in a way contrary to our feelings. Restraint must mark both our speech and countenance.
Generosity of spirit is commended: "Show not yourself glad at the Misfortune of another though he were your enemy." And, "Speak not Evil of the absent for it is unjust."
When we are tempted to pontificate on subjects about which we know little, we will find this advice salutary: "In visiting the Sick, do not Presently play the Physician if you be not Knowing therein." And, "Undertake not to Teach your equal in the art himself Professes; it Savours of arrogance."
Busybodies are disliked, both in our and Washington's day: "Be not Curious to Know the Affairs of Others neither approach those that Speak in Private."
Maturity would come more quickly if we heeded this nugget of wisdom: "Take all Admonitions thankfully in what Time or Place Soever given but afterwards not being culpable take a Time & Place convenient to let him him know it that gave them."
A good reputation is hard to earn and easily forfeited, as this rule reminds: "Associate yourself with Men of good Quality if you Esteem your own Reputation; for 'is better to be alone than in bad Company."
To those of us who speak spontaneously and quickly: "Think before you Speak pronounce not imperfectly nor bring out your Words too hastily but orderly & distinctly."
Careful thought should precede all commitments: "Undertake not what you cannot Perform but be Careful to keep your Promise."
Although some of the 110 "Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation" are dated and belong to an era that far removed from our own, many of them are as relevant today as when the young George Washington copied them. Because they promote civility, good manners, and self-restraint, they have abiding value.
3 comments:
The immediate temptation is to comment on whether quaint rules like this are applicable in society today. But I suggest the better question is whether the very practice of identifying rules for one's self is something we've lost. Washington and others of his time wrote lists like this as part of a very intentional effort to improve themselves. Do most of us have written self improvement goals? If no, why not?
Thanks for posting this, Charlie. I found them all to be very applicable. And even the one about picking at your lice is relevant, many of us have disgusting habits that are better not done in public (or at all).
"bedew" I will have to add that to my lexicon.
Great article.
On the sillier side, I wonder if Sinatra would agree...? "Do bedew bedew"
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